Hello …it’s me, Eleni.
It has been five years since I last produced a blog entry. Over those years, I’m sure a lot has happened but I can remember very little of it. I have been Blessed and somewhere I lost the confidence in my own voice.
Lockdown and Covid- 19 have forced many of us to retreat to our bedrooms and living spaces to work. Allowing for an abundance of time to think. I am no different. Although busy completing two university post graduate courses in one year and two different universities (I stand by my choice) and being the busiest I have ever been in terms of complexity of work. I have sat with myself for hours. Alone, my chair – who’s cushioned base is now flat; my laptop and me. Just me.
I have made myself even more isolated on purpose. The world is just too noisy for me right now. My newly discovered introvert side needs retreat and silence. I am new old hand at being introvert. I have been an introvert since childhood where I was cruelly rejected by peers aged four and half. The older I became, the more I needed to have silence and retreat to a world in head that I construct. This world is safe, its tolerant of the weird and brightly lit with clashing colours.
I only discovered that I am an introvert this year, born out of the turbulence I instigated for myself in 2019 where I decided to stop spending money. I spent a whole year not spending more than was absolutely necessary. That year was a lesson in control, both self and how much I was being controlled by those present in my daily life and the existential world of anonymous conglomerates. 2019, unknown to me on Dec 31st, was to be the first building block into finding me again.
2020, for most has been the year of Covid and pandemic – not for me though. I see this as the year where I have been brave. I am remembering that my voice is valid. I am conscious of my voice becoming stronger. I have found the boldness that was gas lighted out of me and helping adult Eleni be loud again.
I am beginning to accept that I am me.
#IamMe