Which would you rather, passive aggression or letting rip? It can be hard to know which is the most detrimental to you and most infuriating to others.
Passive aggression comes from our primal “flight” response. In essence we are angry but internationalise it, and demonstrate it through out body language and things we don’t do, which could be seen as a form of denial.
Aggressive behaviour is associated with our “fight” response. We use both our physical and verbal power to overthrow others and assert ourselves.
In essence we are a mixture of both and react due to physiological, environment, attachment, situational and emotional stimuli when angry but by knowing who we are we can be more self-aware of the impact we have on others and destructive consequences for ourselves.
Here are some example of each behaviour type… can you see yourself?
Secretive – do you complain anonymously, write mean things, troll, avoid eye contact and spread malicious rumours?
Manipulative – do you spread rumours, emotionally blackmail others, sabotage relationships and use sexual provocation?
Self-blaming – “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry – I’m such a bad bad person!”
Selfless – overly helpful and makes friendly digs and sighs.
Catastrophising – making mountains out of mole hills, being cool and giving people the cold shoulder treatment.
Obsessive – diets, exercise, food, cleanliness – whatever your poison of choice, you’re addicted.
Evasive – do you let the phone ring and block people out to teach them a lesson?
Threatening – do you scare people?
Hurtful – use violence or hateful words, break confidence, label, blame and discriminate
Destructive – deliberately break stuff or waste it
Bullying – do you persecute others and over exert your power over them?
Unjust Blaming – “It wasn’t me it was …”
Manic – your speech and walk speed up!!
Grandiose – “It’s all about ME!” Are you wanting to be centre of attention, mistrust others and show off to make others look small?
Selfish – queue jumping, cutting in and me me me
Revengeful – plot against others, try to get one over on people.
Unpredictable – have random outbursts, inflict punishment for no reasons and blow hot and cold